The Difficult Artist

I'm pretty good at ruining friendships, and a lot of other people who indulge in creative activities (like, say, writing multi-paragraph analytical essays on artists and social dysfunctionality) are pretty good at that too. So I wondered why artists and other performers (e.g, Charlie Sheen) are such fuck-ups when it comes to their interpersonal relationships? This might make for a dubious premise; perhaps creative sorts are no more prone to meltdowns or wildly erratic behavior than any other groups of people you could invent. But since "the difficult artist" label seems to have become a generally-accepted cliché, and since I've been in a meltdown mode of my own for the past couple of months--and yet at this stage still luckily find myself lucid enough to express myself in writing--I thought I'd take the opportunity to gather my thoughts.

A lot of things go into making an artist, but two personality characteristics that are essential and most relevant to my argument are vanity and delusion. You will find these traits in most artists, both the successful and un-successful ones. Vanity and delusion are generally regarded negatively, but in fact both are essential for the artist, as these bolster an artist's spirit and self-confidence, without which one cannot create.

Vanity is essentially self-love, and since art reflects oneself and is an extension of oneself, vanity can also be thought of as pride in one's creative output. This is what compels an artist to create in the first place; if you hated your work, your output--effectively yourself, then why would you ever put in the time to create new things?

Delusion gives the artist the strength to labor through the tough times that most artists must go through (and many never emerge from). For many people, religion is that life-affirming delusion, an irrational belief in a heavenly reward to compensate for the pain of life. For the artist, delusion offers strength through the conviction that he or she is talented, a genius, a creator of things that will emotionally transform and better all others who bear witness to them.

Life inside the artist's head is often surprisingly cheerful; illusions are pleasant things. Where problems occur is when reality rudely collides with the delusion. For example, one might create 20 amazing paintings for an upcoming art opening under the delusional conviction that the opening will be a huge success, but when the doors open only two or three people arrive, and they came for the beer. Perhaps the delusion is that several of one's photographs hanging prominently on a wall in a popular café will sell, but no buyers materialize, and all the joy spent under that happy illusion--mounting those images and preparing the labels--is washed away by this unhappy fact.

But what's worse is that most artists, myself included, are not particularly or even slightly successful by any compelling measurement. This is what creates the bipolar mania of the artist; laboring happily and passionately (if exhaustingly and sometimes worriedly) on a project, followed by the deep dip that occurs when the delusion gives way to the rude awakening: nobody is interested. The impact of reality on delusion then roughly demolishes the vanity, the depression sets in, and the low ebb of the manic cycle is reached.

For many artists, even success fails to deliver real happiness, because the artist is always failing to measure up to a delusional yardstick that never corresponds to the metrics used by others.

And if that describes the artist's relation to his or her art, why would it be any different with his or her interpersonal relations? The artist lives in a strange world that oscillates between a keen ability to see things as they really are vs. a world that is twisted to suit the artist's particular vision. It follows that artists sometimes see the people around them more accurately than those people see themselves (this has its own drawbacks). However, they also sometimes err severely. In a sense, the artist, in viewing a person, captures the reality of the individual in order to render that thing in a recognizeable fashion; but the artist also creates a personal impressionistic portrait of that individual which says more about the artist than the person rendered in his or her mind.

When the delusional, false image of the person collides with reality, there is then a tempestuous explosion, like Mr. Sheen's towards "Two and a Half Men" executive producer Chuck Lorre (I know this is perhaps a funny example, but these are real guys and they're in the news and they make my point). Sheen's expectations were based once-again on unreasonable yardsticks. There is a meltdown, a blow-up that serves to rupture the relationship perhaps forever, and then the stunned reaction of us onlookers asking, "What happened?"

A footnote: artists are also often associated with drug addiction and alcoholism, which makes sense since drugs and alcohol provide a distance from self which affords a useful perspective on what one is creating. Artists are also prone to working manically on their projects at the cost of sleep. All these aspects also serve to make the artist vulnerable to interpersonal meltdowns.

So, I think you will, unfortunately have to get used to the "difficult artist," and the difficult artist will have to get used to losing friends. But have I actually only described the nature of all of us?

Sweden's "Popular" Worst Song of Eurovision 2011

I've heard 'em all, and the worst Eurovision 2011 competitor is not Armenia's "Boom Boom," though there has been some debate. No, it's Sweden's "Popular." And lest there be any momentum building behind this song, any at all (Pop Justice seems to like it), it's time to bring down the hammer.

"Popular" is performed by 20 year-old Eric Saade. The gist of the song is that our protagonist fervently wishes to be popular so that he might impress some chick. He expresses this desire with the grace and subtlety of a Columbine High School shooter. "I will be POP-ular! I will be POP-ular!" he hisses.

Problems with the song are evident in its opening lines. "STOP! DON'T SAY THAT IT'S IMPOSS-IBLE!" Mr. Saade begins, "'CUZ I KNOW! IT'S POSS-IBLE!" every syllable enunciated with the zeal of a serial killer repeatedly stabbing his victim. Rhyming "impossible" with "it's possible" is pretty amazing, but there's also something jarring about starting a song with the word "STOP!"

"Sorry, Eric, but the thought of you actually getting that chick to notice you is just impossi—"

"STOP!"

"?"

"DON'T SAY THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Well, how do you know it isn't impossible?"

"'CUZ I KNOW! IT'S POSS-IBLE!"

Then comes the chorus, which is ripped off of this very-80s tune from fellow Swedes Lili & Susie. Note that underneath the Lili and Susie video the top-rated comment (163 thumbs-up and rising) is "Hörde precis Eric Saade sjunga den här låten i melodifestivalen 2011..." Which translates to: "Just heard Eric Saade sing this song in Melodifestivalen 2011."

But one should not be surprised by the derivative nature of the tune, considering that the author of "Popular" is Fredrick Kempe, who ripped off "Nessun Dorma" when he penned "La Voix," Sweden's Eurovision 2009 entry. Lest you think that was only a coincidence, one need only recall that Mr. Kempe gave us a thoroughly trashed-up version of "Nessun Dorma" himself back in 2002. Anyway, this appropriating spirit is befitting the land of the Pirate Bay.

Not much else going on in "Popular" lyrically, though "My body wants you girl" is worth a mention.

All this is delivered with the bluster of hurricane whirling round and round as it charts a random course farther and farther out to sea. The lights are flashing, the dancers gyrating, Eric is spitting "I will be POP-ular!" And then, at 2:30, there is shattering glass.

To be fair, there is one other Eurovision 2011 competitor that arguably is worse than "Popular," and that is Belarus's bizarre, ultra-nationalistic entry, which comes on the heels of yet another rigged election and violent crackdown on peaceful protesters in that country. The current entry, "I Love Belarus," features a young woman repeatedly telling us that she loves Belarus. But the country's original song submission, pulled because of a lyrics dispute with the Eurovision organizers, was called "Born In Byelorussia," and waxed nostalgic on the good old USSR days. ("Born in Byelorussia! USSR time! Byelorussia! Crazy and so fine!")

But the audacious, gawk-worthiness of Belarus's Eurovision antics are at least somewhat interesting. "Popular" is just incredibly irritating.

Goodbye, Eric! See you around! Hope you become POP-ular! Jeez...

Set 33 is Finished

You can visit the King Pigeon site to snag a torrent or listen to a streaming version.

It almost didn't happen! Had a big crisis in the middle of the day with seemingly insurmountable audio issues, and even wrote and briefly posted an apology on this blog saying it would be delayed once again. (For your enjoyment, I reproduce that earlier blog post in italics below.) But yes, it's done, and at last I am free to contemplate other things. :-)))

Another Delay for the Set

So, a big :-( No Set 33 on 10 February. And no more announced release dates until it's finished (this is turning into "DJ King Pigeon: Turn Off the Dark"). The artistry behind this set is magnificent--easily my best work. But the post-production has been disastrous, and I'm sort of stunned right now regarding what I'm going to do about it. Need a couple of drinks and some rest--and most of all several more days to review and repair (if that's possible).

So there you have it--the biggest problem with a 3.5 hour set. There are literally not enough hours in the day to deal with any major issues.

Set 33 - Progress Report

Guess what I'm listening to for around the 20th time in two weeks? That's right--Set 33! I'm in Hell!!!! ;-D No! Scratch that! NO winkie face! I'M IN HELL!!!!!

The last 48 hours are the worst. One day everything sounds fantastic, the next everything sounds wrong. Monday night was all fantastic--Tuesday night was all wrong, this due to reviewing the set on my "bassy" headphones and finding the levels not as perfect as they were on by "trebly" headphones. And I have only until around midnight tonight to get it all straightened out. Schedule is to finish listening this morning, make a round of volume edits during lunch (each such edit a terrifying experience since these have the potential to ruin the set), and then listen again in the afternoon. Then I head back to the motel, pay for my next week there, shower, pack a change of clothes, and come back to the office to edit and listen once again. If all goes well I will post the set by 10 PM. Then I'll have to check the downloads to make sure they are working, give a download another listen (though most likely I'll spot check it), and then announce it to the world around midnight--that is, 7 AM in Romania, 6 AM in Paris, 5 AM in London.

One thing is certain: the transitions sound remarkable--recording is now DONE. Nothing needs re-recording.

The problems at this stage always lie with the sound levels, and for reasons I've written about on this blog before...well...the bottom line is that one is doomed to fail. Either the set starts off too soft, or it winds up distorting. All I can do is accept that on a technical level the set cannot ever sound as good as I dreamed it would, and to hope that the listener enjoys the DJ'ing on display. So if the first hour is too soft, get an amplifier! If it's distorted in spots, consider it an "underground" touch. ;-)

While there is always a sense of disappointment in the final result due to the aforementioned, I always find that when I return to the set a week or two later I am quite happy with how it sounds. I'm a bit myopic right now, hearing only the trouble spots, and unable to enjoy all the fireworks on display. Like, hahaha, this transition I'm listening to right now, where a trance song suddenly turns into the perfect banjo-pickin' accompaniment to a rockabilly tune (who knew?). Lots of good stuff here, and I need to keep reminding myself of that during these tough final hours.

Rotten People

There are two classes of rotten people. One class see themselves always as undeserving victims; another class see themselves always as deserving winners.

I'm in both classes, because I'm depressed and delusional. ;-D

Drum & Bass

It never fails to fascinate me how drum & bass went from being the most po-faced genre of dance music in the 90s to the most reliable celebration of tear-the-room apart joy today.

Set 33 - Progress Report

Monday begins the final week, or more accurately, half-week of work on Set 33 before it is unleashed on you poor unwitting victims. This is the crazy time, where sleep becomes only a pretty concept.

I'll be spending lunch today making edits per notes made over the weekend, and then I will listen to the set twice on two different heaphones, which will take a total of 7 hours to get through, which means I'll be up until around 2 AM. I may spend the night here in my "studio," an empty office down the hall where three plush chairs in a row plus a snug sleeping bag and two pillows make for a surprisingly decent bed.

Then, I will wake up for a regular day of work tomorrow, spend my lunch break making edits per the previous night's listening experiences, and then drive the set again after work a couple of times until 2 AM or so.

On Wednesday I will make edits again at lunch, and then will likely post the set sometime in the evening--but without announcing the set's presence publicly. This gives me a chance to listen to it once again to make sure that nothing got lost in translation during the posting phase. I'll probably fret about something or other, and so then make another (hopefully small) round of edits and repost. Probably around 2 AM or so (9 AM Eastern European Time, 8 AM Central European Time, 7 AM Greenwich Mean Time) I will officially announce the set's presence, and that will be that.

It's exhausting to think about all this right now on this dreary and bleary Monday morning in Atlanta, but as I get closer to the goal (and see a light at the end of the tunnel), I know I'll find the strength to carry me through. :-)